chapter one

Today, I am tired. Tired of being treated like crap by the people who supposedly love me. Tired of not treating my body properly. Tired of not respecting myself enough. Tired of being put down by people whose dreams aren't as grand as mine. Tired of not feeling worthy. Tired of trying so hard and getting nothing in return. Tired of living the life that's so close to what I want, and yet so far away. Tired of not be noticed. Tired of being picked on. Tired of treating the people I supposedly love like crap. Tired of loving harder than anyone I know, and not being loved in return...

So today, I resolve to try to be a better person. Today I make a pact with myself. A pact that means I will stand up for myself and those I love. A pact that means that I will get rid of my baggage, both emotionally and physically. I will treat the people I love with the respect and adoration they deserve, and cut those who don't deserve me out of my life. I will stop clamouring for respect and praise from the people I know will never give it to me, and be content with the fact that I AM beautiful, talented and worthy, regardless of whether other people tell me that. Because no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many shows I work on and how many bunches of flowers I buy, some people are never going to love me as much as I love them. But today is different. Today I become a better, bigger person. Because today I realised that it doesn't matter.

I love really hard. I love powerfully and passionately. I love like there's no tomorrow, and I show it. And not everyone is like that. But that's okay. I don't need their acceptance to feel like a complete person. I don't need him to notice the way I look at him, and I don't need her to tell me I'm fabulous before I believe that I am. Because today is a new beginning. Today, the 20th of August, is a new chapter. Today I grow up. Today, I become a woman. So to hell with the bitchy girls who try to knock me down to their level. I won't sink. This time, this year, this lifetime, I do what is right for me. And what is right for me is to keep loving hard. To do the right thing by my family, and the people who actually love me. To keep working towards my dreams, no matter how far off they might seem. And to believe that I AM beautiful, and talented, and worthy, even when they tell me otherwise.

That is my pact. And this is my journey. Wish me luck.