date night...

Is it bad to use boys for free movie tickets? When you have no intention of putting out but you know that they almost certainly expect it??? Oh well, I'm not that kind of girl (unless you're Matt Morrison or Chord Overstreet. Seriously, call me.)

I miss The Comedian. I hate to admit it, but I really do. I think he's back with Bitchy McBitchface, which hurts (again), but if they want to put themselves through something that will almost certainly end in tears, that's their choice. I don't understand it, but I'm not an idiot, or a school child. FRH has been amazing and so supportive through all this, even though she's dealing with her own crap as a result. Sometimes I long for the fun, easy times that were 2009, but that wouldn't help me to grow.

NIDA audition pieces are looking pretty great, I'm seriously excited to show them to the boys on Sunday night :) Hopefully they'll have some good constructive criticism, and if not then at least I know they're good! I'm actually excited for audition season this year, which is a nice change to the usual hideous nerves and feeling of impossibility that comes with November! Fingers crossed I'll hear from BAPA soon, and then I can go into my auditions knowing that regardless of how my live auditions go, I have somewhere to go next year!!!

So excited to get out of Perth and away from all this drama :)

xxk

shit, son...

Let me tell you... What a day. Like, seriously, shit like this doesn't happen to me. Let me tell you about it. Wow.

So, filming, singing, acting, dancing - all fabulous. I'm apparently talented and beautiful and whatever. But then... lunch. Ok, so, I go on and on about wanting to be treated like a princess, and then when it actually happened... Well, I guess it wasn't the right guy? Lunch, wine, three desserts (!), then "Do you want to come to Margaret River with me?" What, now?? Hah, you're ridiculous. Which the wine turned into "Sure, that sounds amazing." Then three hours and a pitstop in Bunbury later wait, wait, I seriously can't do this, which is code for I can't do you. Oh Lord, why is this happening to me??!?!

So now, do I keep pretending to like him until I've got all my DVDs in, or let him down gently now, or lie about still being hung up on someone else???? Urgh. Why me? Seriously.

making alcoholism cool

This is officially the week from hell. Funerals, not getting any work done, feeling messed up about The Comedian and his potential relationship with FRH... Not to mention I have had 38 glasses of wine and seven hours sleep in the last three days, a trend which I am not seeing let up anytime soon. BFF is in town for the weekend, so Wednesday was Lesbian Mud Wrestling - messy and late and drink driving. Last night was Reefer Madness - subtext and confusion and washing down four ibuprofen with most of a bottle of wine, while sitting alone in my bed watching 90210 until 2 in the morning. Tonight is Mothers' Birthday - dinner with the fam, hoping I didn't piss her off this morning by not remembering her birthday in my semi-comatose hungover morning haze, trying to stay awake until I bail for... Debauchery Revisited. BFF + pole dancing + too, too, TOO much champagne, potentially followed by vomiting in a carpark or public urination. We're that classy. Tomorrow night is Retro Prom, which is sure to include more subtext and confusion, but without the distraction of many, many hot, gay men. I hope to be wearing a pretty fabulous (read: hideous) dress, and will be looking ah-may-zing (read: haggard), so I'm sure he'll come crawling back. But really, it's not about him, it's about Journo, and she deserves for me to at least try to have a good time.
God, I can barely see... Having a super hard time focussing, and unlike last night, I don't think it's really appropriate for me to have a nap before dinner, seeing as it is mothers' birthday and I should be making a fuss of her...
Urgh, I am so not safe to drive.
xxk

my seriously boring life

Last night was my first week night out in a long time, and boy, am I feeling it today! At the ripe old age of 21, I am officially too old to go out drinking until 3:30am and then have to perform my seriously sedentary job to any basic level of competency. I feel like I have been hit by a truck, my eyes are about to fall out of my head and I am in serious need of a nap. Sadly, I have plans with The Comedian tonight, and I plan to curl my hair. I probably don't have time, and shouldn't even bother because he won't even notice, but I have serious issues with this boy. Even the bat-shit crazy ex-girlfriend couldn't scare me away. I swore I wouldn't get involved with him and all the drama that comes with him ever, EVER again, but I get on so seriously well with him it's ridiculous to not have him in my life. So what do I do? I make more week night plans, stress about what I'm going to wear all day and decide to curl my hair. What the eff is wrong with me?
I need to sit him down for a serious talking to, though, because he's not being entirely honest with me at the moment. And by entirely, I obviously mean 'at all'. Urgh. Why do I let you do this to me? Multiple times? I am seriously troubled, and just the thought of all this makes me want a glass of wine. I am rapidly turning into an alcoholic. And while that's fun, I need to seriously limit my food intake do to the ridiculous amount of calories I consume drinking. Why wasn't I gifted with a metabolism? Genetics are a bitch.
xxk

not even close...

I always find it interesting when events repeat themselves. You might think people have changed, you might think they've grown and have started moving on, but you'd probably be wrong. Eight months later and they're still making my life difficult. She's still as bat-shit crazy as before, and he still does weird things to my heart. At least this time around they're doing both things to other people. It's quite refreshing to be heartily agreed with rather than completely dismissed. Despite everything that's happened and the friends I've lost, I've gained some new ones and strengthened the bonds with old ones, so I suppose there really always is a positive side.

I wish I knew how he felt. I always seem to write about boys, but they're honestly the most problematic aspect of my life. I called to warn him about impending crazy and to let him know I'm confused about our relationship and where I stand now. He agreed that hanging out has been great and it's certainly stirring things up, which I took to mean he thinks he maybe still has feelings for me. That was until I spoke to DQ on Saturday, and he apparently declared his undying love for her minutes before speaking to me. I don't mind; my life would certainly be simpler without dating him, but I like to think he'd be honest with me. I suppose we'll see what happens Thursday night. I'm taking flowers.

Until more drama ensues...  xxk